Where I begin
by hiri
Summary: I do not know where she ends and I begin. It’s so hard to separate us since we are now one. One body and one mind. That’s how it is but it should be more. I have to find her somehow or otherwise I can’t live with myself. SunnyxKyle Oneshot


A/N: Hi! A little oneshot sneaked its way out of my head, hope someone will enjoy my crazy moment.  
Its Sunnys POV and its sad. What triggered this was me reading Resistance by efficacious humorosity.

Disclaimer: I don't own! so don't sue.

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**Where I begin.**

I do not know where she ends and I begin. It's so hard to separate us since we are now one.  
One body and one mind. That's how it is but it should be more. I have to find her somehow or otherwise I can't live with myself.  
But I am also painfully aware that would she return I'd have to leave.  
And that is not an option any more; I have become too attached to things here, one thing in particular.

Kyle.

My feelings are strong. They are all for him.  
But I do not know where she ends and I begin, so maybe I'm being delusional, getting my hopes up for something that will never come true.  
Yes, I'm still here. But that was because this body would have died without me and I wanted to stay so badly.  
I had finally been able to meet him. Our memories of him were always vivid and overpowering. He made this slumbering body come alive, without him it had no reason to live.  
But with him there, it was whole once again. I cannot begin to explain how much he affects me.  
It still surprises me at times, the way my body reacts and craves for more. Give me more! Give me your all!  
But it's never for me. It's for her. His heart beats for her, his smiles are for her, the warm affection he only shows in private is all for her.  
Only because I wear her skin will he lower his guard. I'm lucky. No, I'm cursed.  
The way he tenderly cares for me is only hurtful. How can I not crave for more when he is sweeter than any memory?  
His kindness cuts like a blade, razor sharp, it sinks into me. He's not aware of what he is doing to me. He cannot decipher the pain and agony in my eyes.  
He is being delusional. He sees what he wants to see.

Jodi.

That is her name, my host's name. I both love her and hate her. Since she is a part of who I've become, how can I not love her?  
Even though I've yet to meet her I know I'd love her.  
She on the other hand would probably find me… disgusting, this little silvery worm in the back of her neck, invading her most private thoughts and erasing her from existence.  
She would most definitely hate me like no other, I who took her life and ripped it from her forcefully.  
It wasn't me but my people who did this, but that's no excuse. The blow we dealt on mankind has been unjust and I can only hope for forgiveness.  
But there is no easy way out of this one. I took something that wasn't mine and I have to give it back, at least for him.  
I'd do anything for him. Kyle. I love Kyle. But he will never love me back. I'm cursed with this one sided love.  
I know he knows. How very much I feel for him, but every time he sees my face, her face, he's reminded that she may still be here.  
So he waits. He is waiting. He would wait forever for her. That's how much he loves her.

And that's the reason why I hate her. This feeling can consume me. I can barely hold it at bay.  
It wants to devour me and destroy any chance this human has of ever coming back.  
A part of me wants to let it lose. It is my darkest secret and one I'll never tell. This jealousy that's raging inside of me. I want him for my own!  
But he was never mine to take, he was already taken.  
The funny thing is I would never want him like this… unless I inhabited this body. She brought me to him and for that I am grateful.  
I believe that if I hadn't been put in Jodi, these feelings would never have rooted.  
But now if I ever changed my host, I knew, Id still love him unconditionally and irrevocably.  
This love is rooted deep and grows like weeds. Come rain, come shine, this love of mine stands firm through time.

I'm Sunlight Passing Through the Ice.

But they call me Sunny. My full name seems too hard to remember. I don't mind, I like the way he says it.  
That is mine alone, my name and the way it rolls of his tongue. It makes my skin tingle and a warmth lump in my belly. It feels awfully fluttery, like butterflies.  
And of course I blush. I can tell he likes that, how we act and react with each other. We are like the opposing poles on a magnet; we cannot help but be drawn together.  
It's like gravity.  
I like that. He is drawn to me whether he likes it or not, that means I can be with him most of my time.  
I tend to stick to him like glue; I can't bare one moment without him since I already know my time is limited, or rather restricted.  
People who see us would think were close, closer than most. But what they don't see is the gap which draws a fine line between us. It is complicated.  
A boy and a girl falls in love, alien takes over girl, alien falls for boy while boy still loves girl. See it could never work.  
I've heard somewhere that the love boat can only hold two people, more than that and it'll sink. And this was a sinking ship from the very night I followed him here.  
It was doomed to fail but still I tried because what else could I do. Give up my fairytale ending and wither away?  
No, my love would not let me. This burning, searing passion which only humans can feel, a feeling so strong yet impossibly fragile, which can either salvage or ruthlessly destroy a person. I want it, with every fiber of my being. I want it, my soul screams for it. I want it, come what may.  
I want him to love me like I love him.

But at night when he sleeps, I watch him. He is lying there next to me. I'm blissfully ignorant while I bask in the warmth he radiates.  
Then he says her name, like every night before. The blade that cuts, cuts deep… and I know he dreams of her.  
His days are partially mine but the nights belong solely to her.  
He reaches for me while whispering her name in loving tones. It hurts but I know the truth. I try to not see what is starring me in the face.  
I want to go blind. Would it hurt less if I couldn't see? Would I still feel this hole inside, getting bigger every time he says her name?  
As he finally snuck his arms around my smaller frame and nuzzles into my black curly hair, I come undone. He says her name with such content that it breaks me further.  
My host is sentimental and cries easily. So once the tears start to flow from my eyes, I can't stop it. I only wish my trembling would lessen and that the painful gasps I emit would cease. I don't want to wake him.  
Every night I cry till there's not a single drop left and I feel hollow, empty. This is life's judgment passed on me and I silently endure my punishment.

Who knew life could be so cruel?

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